Creation and Creator

Augustine's reflections on the complexity of mind and memory should open our eyes to the Creator. When he considers the categories in which we receive knowledge, the ways in which we store it and the ability we have to reproduce it there should be certainty in the existence of our Maker. How can a person believe that humans exist due to chance; that somehow everything fell into the right position at the right time and became sufficient in all this complexity? Disregarding the minimal chances of that happening, how could that explain where we get our memory, beliefs, and spirit? The human mind alone is too intricate to be formed without a higher power. In an infinitely simpler way we know it is not likely that all of the tiny pieces in a wristwatch fall together in the right place in order for it to perform its proper function. Every moving part is in perfect alignment with one another, every gasket, every screw, every dial, all moving together from the same power source and all parts having equal importance in order for the next movement of the hand to ensue. If this seems impossible we must take into consideration how simple a watch is in comparison to the human body. A human brain can comprehend the making of a wristwatch because all the pieces are of substance, but we will not ever know how to form a feeling, or a spirit. The ingredients are beyond the human capability to conceive. My ignorance of the most common things in this world confirms my knowledge of the One and Only in heaven.

What About Will?

The problem with Socrates' philosophy on human nature is his complete avoidance of the subject of human will. He believes that the existence of sin sprouts out of the absence of knowledge. If a human were to have omnipotence he would be divine. So what about temptation and disobedience? Even though I know an apple is a healthier snack than a brownie and I am not ignorant of the consequences that come with eating that brownie, more often than not I will give into temptation and eat the brownie. Socrates fails to see the ultimate idea of human nature; we are sinners by nature not by stupidity. God gave us the freedom to choose between right and wrong with the knowledge that He provides. We are all capable of attaining the knowledge through Christ, but it is what we do with that knowledge that distinguishes us from one another. To be wise is not the highest virtue; it is to love. This sounds like a completely separate idea, but love applies to everything and is what we use to choose between right and wrong after we have identified them. If the love in my heart for God is true then obedience will come naturally. My love will rise above temptation and curiosity to a place that, I know, is beyond the satisfaction that I could possibly get from a brownie (or any other worldly thing). It is God's gift to us that we have our own will; it is like having your own playing piece in a board game. We are free to move toward the finish line or back where we started and everyone knows it is better to move toward finish.

Saturated in Sin

Book X of "Confessions" is the most condemning of the books so far. The weakness of humanity and our saturation in sin is revealed and Augustine succeeds in arousing disgust. Humans can become so deceived that we often times hold ourselves up to a level higher than sin to a point that we do not even realize we have sinned when we do wrong. How can we not realize the corruption within ourselves when we are in such despair? I have seen myself passing judgment on others without seeing my own flaws. This statement sounds ridiculous because my act of passing judgment without any knowledge on the subject is a flaw that will be judged against me. With every God-gifted sense that we possess we sin. When we take more joy in the effects of our senses than the One who gifted them, we are sinning. When the power goes out in my house I do not stop to give thanks to God for the gift of sight that I previously had and have now become more aware of in its absence. I see it as a stolen possession; my sight becomes, not a gift that is undeserved, but an ability that is my own. When I eat I do not choose the food that will best nourish the body that was made for me, but the food that will bring about satisfaction of my senses of taste, smell and sight. When I submit myself to the Lord I tell Him that I will put Him before any of the things in this world, yet I do not realize my daily submission to things such as the five senses of my body, which I could not possess without the Lord. How can we free ourselves from sin when we are so oblivious to it? We can only ask for humility and conviction, accept that we are sinners, repent, and pray for the gift of God's mercy on us.

I'm a Blogger

My overall impression of blogging is that it helps me to become a more comfortable writer. It was rough when I first started. I was dreading the thought of putting my novice writing on the world wide web for anyone to see and I would spend hours thinking about what I was going to write. Even after all that, it was still hard for me to blog out my thoughts when I sat down at my computer, so for a couple of the first blogs I wrote an informal outline to straighten out my unorganized ideas. Looking back at those paragraphs I can see that they were written well (possibly better than any of my later ones), but there is an obvious discomfort in them. Although I meant every word that I said, the way that I said it was so planned out that it lost the personal quality that is so important to me and my readers. I still have to think about what I am going to write before I ever look at my computer, but I am better at choosing things to talk about that I have strong opinions on. Outlines are no longer a necessity for unscrambling my thoughts and, although it still takes me a while to transfer those ideas from my mind to my paper, the words are beginning to come more naturally. I don't know if I will ever be a productive writer or feel the flow of words rush through me, but I believe Steven King was right when he said, "[w]hether it's a vignette of a single page or an epic trilogy like The Lord of the Rings, the work is always accomplished one word at a time" (King 151). Therefore, I will rely on the ease of my writing to grow with every word I blog.

Talent and Joy

Although King tries to be “as encouraging as possible” (King 138) in explaining what it takes to be a good writer, it has proven to be somewhat discouraging to me. “On Writing” seems to be a novel that a person would read if they were aspiring to be a full time writer. King tries to persuade his readers to read whenever they get a chance and to pursue it because they enjoy it. He is so drawn to his work that it is no longer work for him; it is playtime. Honestly, it is rare that I pick up a novel that brings such joy to me and “[i]f there is no joy in it, it’s just no good” (King 144). Steven believes there should be talent along with the fun factor. I sure hope that is not true because if it is I should just put down the book right now. I can write an adequate paper, but it comes with a lot of strain. It doesn't just flow out of me and I definitely do not feel that "excitement of spinning something new" (King 148). I am willing to work hard and organize my toolbox, but I think that I am missing some of the most essential tools. Steven King’s obvious talent and joy in writing makes him the good writer that he is, however, it reveals my own incompetency.

Weapons of Warfare

The Christian society and Satan's society are in an epic battle. These societies are armies, in which, humans play the role of soldiers. Unfortunately, Satan's army finds its strength in numbers, but their weapons of warfare are weak. The soldiers have to earn their ranking and with higher rank comes value and glory. God's warriors are already valued, but they must accept their role in His humble army and obey His commands. The Lord provides His army with weapons of faith, hope and love. The strongest weapon that Satan can provide is death. For a short while it appears that Satan will win the battle because of the size of his army and his cunning tactics. Some of the soldiers in God's army will drop their weapons and surrender. They will throw out their faith first because they cannot see its power, then they will lose hope when Satan's army starts to attack and the wounds become too much to bear. They will eventually join the other side and ensure their own defeat. For it is love that will win the battle. This is not a humanly love, but the love that God gives us is a love that cannot pass away. His love is immune to any deceit, it can heal any wounds, strike down any enemy, and overpower any other weapon. Satan's army will fall into a tragic defeat while the Lord's army celebrates an eternal victory.

Finish Strong

The reason for death can be a hard concept to grasp for many Christians, but Augustine brings about a very important outlook that we should take into consideration. He refers to a natural succession of events, or God's plan, and compares it to a spoken sentence. Each syllable has a beginning and an end, when a syllable ends a new one can begin. If one does not end the next one can not begin. Our lives are syllables in God's speech, in which, we are formed to carry out a certain duty. If this duty is not fulfilled we disrupt the purpose of his message. We are judged on a very short performance so we have to be diligent in our work. When we are done with this work we will rest and find nourishment in the arms of God because our work was good and He is proud. It is our job to make sure that our work is good because He has chosen us to be a part of His creation and a chance to receive His love for eternity. Everything that we hold dear, everything that is pleasant and right in this world was made by Him. Our job is not to love and enjoy these things, but to use these blessings as examples to show others the magnificence of the Creator whom you receive them from. With this job the Lord gave us the ability to remind others where their happiness and comfort comes from and to help them fulfill their own God-given task. When we have finished our work we will receive our reward that will make the earthly objects, which we once held so dear, pale in comparison to His love. By completing the mission God gave us, death is merely the step across the finish line towards victory and His open arms of pride.

A Simple Strategy

I would love to be a writer that does not care about my readers. Not that I have readers. Honestly, all of my writing is done solely for the benefit of my education, making it, not the reader, but the grade that is my concern. If there is no concern for approval, I believe that writing would be more personal and valuable. While reading King's "On Writing" and Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style" I found some common advice: "write in a way that comes naturally to you" (Strunk and White 70). If you try to fudge your way into a better paper with vocabulary that is beyond your comprehesion or sentence structures that don't come with ease you lose the respect of yourself and your reader. It seems like such a simple rule; to write with the skills you possess. It is the use of skills, which we have not yet acquired, that hinders the ones we have. If I expect anyone to read what I write and comprehend its meaning, I should be able to comprehend it. My goal is to set aside my need for appreciation and recognition so that I may have a chance at attaining it.

Common Knowledge

The lecture on "Confessions" in a historical context was informative, but I found it somewhat unnecessary considering the message of the novel. It is true that we must keep in mind the vast differences of Augustine's culture and society in order to realize the extraordinary accomplishments that he made in such troubling situations. Among many of these accomplishments in writing "Confessions" he brings a significance to self expression, influences movements toward a more perfect world, urges repentance, and arouses a desire for truth. It is even more inspiring to learn that he lives in a time when political order is in shambles and change is a source of chaos and concern. Yet, stressful situations, no matter how big or small, are a part of every mortal life. Although Augustine lives in a different time and is challenged in ways we can not perceive, he knows that humans all share common emotions and anxieties. He writes to us as one of us, not as a historical figure. The purpose of the novel is not to gain an understanding of Augustine's life, but to receive a longing for the calming, healing hand of Christ. We are all well aware of the pains of hardship and panic of uncertainties and that is all the background the "Confessions" require.

The Son of God

My desire in reading "Confessions" is an understanding of the Son of God. After hearing Dr. Clark speak of his three encounters with the novel as a result of his changing desires, I contemplated what kind of encounter I wanted to have with Augustine. I was weary of reading something so personal between a father and his son, like I was somehow eavesdropping on an intimate conversation, but the further I read the more personal it became. I was no longer a third party, but somehow an extension of the speaker. I realized that, although Augustine was writing from his personal experiences and trials with God, he was expressing it in a way that any human, compelled by God, can relate. It is sincere and vulnerable to the point that it seems as though the stories he tells are from a personal past that I have forgotten. Augustine is a vacuum for all the human waste that resides within me and by reading his confessions he draws me in so close I don’t even realize I am confessing my own past transgressions. In this sense I understand a little better the role that Christ plays in our relationship with God. He is aware and compassionate to our human failures and he purges them for us so that we may share the intimate relationship that he has with his father.

A covenant with God

To many, the foolishness of God is evident in every biblical story of failed covenants between God and humans. God made humans as a reflection of himself, yet we are made from dust. We are deceptive and disobedient creatures with no moral backbone and a flawed sense of reality. By creating a covenant with a human, whomever that may be, God enters into a partnership that will inevitably be broken. Many may justify this by saying that He was just giving humans a chance to fulfill this covenant, but God knows that, as humans, we have no chance. In the stories of the bible it is God that gives himself the chance to belong in a covenant with his creation. He wants that bond with every fiber of his being, even when we fail. It is then that He has his chance to pick us up and dust us off. We need to realize that these stories of failed covenants are not about the foolishness of God, but of humans. They should be humbling and reveal to us how dependent we are. We become so self-absorbed and worldly that we shove God out of our covenant in our own attempt to make it stronger. We have to stop trying to pick ourselves up when we fall and let God help us. Christ was the only one that fulfilled the covenant because he was fully saturated in God. He did not just imitate God, but was God. Christ was willing, obedient and completely surrendered to Him and so became just as much a part of the Covenant as God was. “God breathes into humans the breath of life;” all we have to do is take it in.

Humans as Imitators

To think of myself as a being that was formed as a reflection of my society makes me wonder if we are even capable, or for that matter, worthy of trying to imitate God. If our desires are based off of those that we see in other sinners, does that make our desires sinful? How do we pick good models to imitate when we are all sinners and all sins are equal in the eyes of God? The only way I can go about answering this question for myself is to base my argument on Dr. Clark's quote, "Evil is not a 'thing' that we desire. It is the way we desire something good." It is not important what desires I have in common with other sinners in this world, but the reason that I have these desires. This leads me to question who I hold to a high enough standard to imitate and what my standards are. I came to North Park seeking a knowledge of God, not only in an academic sense, but in a spiritual sense. When I seek the wisdom of my professors I seek it not for better grades or a higher IQ, but to find in them the nature of God that they have attained through their studies. Many of my desires lack this kind of pure ambition, but this was one that I could honestly share because it is such a strong drive in my life right now. I believe that the way that I listen determines what I hear, and so I will listen with a heart open to God. I will imitate those that have a stronger desire for God than they do for status or appearance, and I will seek in them the God that has blessed them with those desires. I believe that I am capable of imitating God because he has given me the ability and the desire to find him within my society and within myself.